The Shittiest Post Ever

Last week Teddy had a hell of a diaper rash. It was really terrible. I felt bad putting a diaper on him so I would just let him cruise around with no diaper on. And really, who doesn’t love walking around with no pants on. Im cleaning up his books when I hear his grunting behind me. Teddy was shitting on the floor. He takes like four or five dumps a day, and you can pretty much set your watch by when these dumps take place. So I thought I was good for a while but I was totally wrong. Luckily, it was a pretty solid turd. And good thing too because he shit on the carpet. Continue reading “The Shittiest Post Ever”

New Life…Part One

Its hard to believe, but Teddy’s first birthday is tomorrow. It was, without a doubt, the quickest year of my life. From now on when people ask how old he is, I can reply in years and not months. I refuse to tell people he’s 13 months or 17 months or 20 months. Nope, Teddy is one. And in honor of his first birthday, I’m going to share his birth story. Its a story unlike any ever told. A story of heartbreak, hope, triumph, action, and adventure. Prepare to be on the edge of your seats. Exciting times lie ahead! Continue reading “New Life…Part One”

That Time I Thought My Wife Was Crazy…

There was a time when I thought Kristin was losing it. It wasn’t the time she told me that she didn’t believe that dinosaurs ever existed while we were watching Jurassic World because I’m fairly certain that movie was either a documentary or at least based on true events. It was the time that she told me that she misses Teddy at night when he’s sleeping. I kind of chuckled a little until I realized she was serious. I didnt really get it. I mean, I didn’t necessarily miss him, but I also didn’t not miss him. I guess I just didn’t think about it. At the time, I was probably just happy that he was sleeping. But things are much different now that I spend all my time with him. Continue reading “That Time I Thought My Wife Was Crazy…”

How To Stay Awake Forever.

I get asked all the time, “How do you function on so little sleep?” The answer is a shitload of coffee. Coffee!!! Now I’m very particular when it comes to my coffee. Im kind of a snob actually. I used to go to Dunkins every single day but I quit that because, frankly, Dunkin Donuts pretty much sucks butts now. Maybe it’s because there is literally 17 DD’s on every block and they don’t care about quality because people are going to buy their shitty coffee anyways. And don’t think I’m going to Starbucks because I’m not a basic bitch. So I figured its up to me to brew that perfect cup of joe. Continue reading “How To Stay Awake Forever.”

Where Does The Time Go?

Its been 11 months since Teddy was born, but it feels like it was only yesterday. Such a corny thing to say. But I’m super corny now, I have to be, Im a dad! Every parent will tell you(which is annoying) that your kid grows up overnight. And its really true. Maybe its because time flies when you’re having fun. Maybe its because I’m so tired that all the days just blend together. Either way, finding the hours in a day to get shit done is an art form, and I am a struggling artist. Continue reading “Where Does The Time Go?”

A lot can be learned from falling down the stairs…

Ill admit it. It happened under my watch. I have one duty, to make sure my kid doesn’t do anything stupid like get himself killed. It was my first real “oh shit” moment. Our morning routine usually consists of rolling around on the floor, playing with his animals and books, but mostly wrastlin’. I feel its never too early to teach your kid hand to hand combat that could one day get him out of forking over his lunch money to the school bully. So there we were, learning the basics like the cross faced chicken wing, the camel clutch, the figure four, and my favorite, the fish hook, when a sudden feeling of “your gonna piss your pants” came over me. Its my own fault. I’m terrible at drinking enough water during the day. So before I go to bed, for some reason I think its a great idea to chug as much water as I can to make up for the fact that drinking beers doesn’t  actually count as properly hydrating. Sometimes the first pee of the day makes the rules. So I went to the bathroom. Continue reading “A lot can be learned from falling down the stairs…”

A Little Backstory…

Excuse my tardiness. This blog is about a year in the making. Ive been busy doing things, like trying to raise my kid. When my wife (Kristin) got pregnant, we decided that we didn’t want to send our kid to daycare. So one of us was going to stay home with the kid.   My job was pretty crappy and it made sense that I would be the one staying home. Luckily, I had a side gig that I was able to turn into a full time job which allowed me to work from home. So everything kinda worked out. She brought up the idea I start a blog about being a stay at home dad. So I bought a domain name ready to get to writin’. Well, 9 months later, I’m writing my first blog post. Continue reading “A Little Backstory…”