Ill admit it. It happened under my watch. I have one duty, to make sure my kid doesn’t do anything stupid like get himself killed. It was my first real “oh shit” moment. Our morning routine usually consists of rolling around on the floor, playing with his animals and books, but mostly wrastlin’. I feel its never too early to teach your kid hand to hand combat that could one day get him out of forking over his lunch money to the school bully. So there we were, learning the basics like the cross faced chicken wing, the camel clutch, the figure four, and my favorite, the fish hook, when a sudden feeling of “your gonna piss your pants” came over me. Its my own fault. I’m terrible at drinking enough water during the day. So before I go to bed, for some reason I think its a great idea to chug as much water as I can to make up for the fact that drinking beers doesn’t actually count as properly hydrating. Sometimes the first pee of the day makes the rules. So I went to the bathroom.
At this point, Teddy was just transitioning out of the army crawl to a legit hands and knees crawl. So he was still slowly getting the hang of it. I thought I had plenty of time to empty the tank and I would go back in his room to find him within five feet of where I left him. I could not have been more wrong. The bathroom is at the top of the stairs and I left the door open just in case he did, somehow, make it that far before I was done. Then, it happened. I heard a shriek and a thud and I turned to see Teddy rolling down the stairs. I, myself, let out a shriek as I watched him slinky down the stairs in what seemed like slow motion. Im pretty sure I jumped all the way down in an effort to beat him to the bottom but to no avail. He hit the floor, let out a little whimper, a little watering of the eyes and that was it.
Could this be real? Did he really just throw himself down an entire flight of stairs, and not have a bump or a bruise or a scrape as a reminder of what not to do? Does this lack of evidence mean that I don’t have to tell mom? I gave him the once over, all the limbs seemed fine. I shined a light in his eyes like I knew what I was doing, and from what I could tell, all was good. Talk about dodging a bullet.
How the hell did he just fall down the stairs and be perfectly fine? Maybe it was because the carpet is extra spongy on the stairs which allowed him to bounce softly off every step. Maybe it was the fact that he’s a tiny human in the zero percentile for his weight, thus making it physically impossible to hit terminal velocity. Maybe it was because I had the front door and screen open and there was a gust of wind blowing up the stairs slowing his tiny body from picking up any speed which would cause a more severe impact at the bottom. Im sure all of these factors had a hand in him having the ride of his short life and me shitting my pants.
Now theres a lot to be learned here. For Teddy, falling down the stairs is a lot like life. There are ups and downs, and there will be times that you take the hard way all the way to the bottom. But its how you pick yourself up that matters most. You get up, assess the damage, put your helmet on and handle your shit. Thats it. On the other hand, the lesson I learned is our kids are constantly doing things that scare the crap out of us. They fall, a lot. And eventually they get good at falling. Don’t panic, learn basic first aid, and KEEP A BETTER EYE ON YOUR KID, DANIEL!
P.S. I waited to until Kristin got home to tell her. Im not an idiot.