Now that you’ve had a chance to let your heart rates slow down a bit from the excitement of part one, let us continue.
So we woke up the next morning in the hospital and Kristin was still in considerable pain. The doctors performed their tests and still, nothing changed. Kristin was still around 3cm. They told us that they were thinking about sending us home which I thought was fuckin nuts at this point. While the doctor was telling us this, one of our nurses was standing behind him shaking her head thinking the same thing I was. As soon as the doctor left the room, the nurse told us that there was no way we were going anywhere and she was gonna make this baby happen. Step one was to go for a walk around the halls. We couldn’t make it too far or too fast around the place because of the contractions Kristin was having. Step two was for Kristin to sit in a warm tub. The whole time we kept reminding them about an epidural when the time comes, but because she was still only 3 or 4cm, they weren’t gonna order it yet.
Nothing seemed to help. So Kristin was gonna get another drug cocktail so she could relax and take a nap. If she slept anything like how she slept the night before I’d have enough time to drive home, take a shower and get back, no problem. She went to sleep and I left.
It was 1:15pm.
I get home and put some more stuff in a bag that I forgot to pack the day before. Im just about to jump in the shower when Kristin calls me and says “My water just broke.” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! I was praying that she was busting my balls. But nope, she wasn’t kidding. She assured me there was no rush because, still, she was only 4cm and her nurse said it would still be awhile. So I took a long enough to get at least the first layer of stink off me because I sweat when I’m nervous and I’d been nervous for the previous 24 hours. I threw on some clothes and ran out the door. As soon as I got in the car I called Kristin and when she picked up, her voice was different and she said “You need to get here now.” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!
It was 1:45PM.
The hospital is about 8 miles from our house so it wasn’t to long of a drive. I was making good time, mostly because I was driving 100mph. But then sure enough, who pulls out in front of me? A God damned Prius! I don’t really understand why Prius people drive so slow. Do you get like 50 mpg because you drive 20mph slower than everyone else? So I finally get a chance to make my move, I might have passed on a double yellow, and I get to the hospital in record time.
It was 1:55PM
I pulled a hammy I was running so fast into the baby wing and into our room. I made it! Barely. As soon as I got in the room, it was on! She started screaming, I started screaming, there wasn’t a nurse or doctor in sight. Finally a nurse comes in, looks at what was happening, and assembled her baby team. When the doctor came in the room, she was kind of nonchalant. Kristin was screaming she had to push but the doctor told her not to until she took a look and as soon as she took her look she was like “Holy shit, start pushing”. (She didn’t really say holy shit, but the look on her face said it) As all this was happening, I was thinking of what a friend of mine told me what it looked like seeing his wife give birth. His only response was “Have you ever seen any of the Saw movies?” Between thinking of his answer added with the fact that I’m about to become a father to an actual baby, I’m sweating my ass off. Big time.
Kristin squeezes my hand and 5 hard pushes later, at 2:07pm, we had a tiny 5lb baby boy. I was so happy. I was so proud of Kristin. She just had our baby, NO EPIDURAL! Teddy came so fast that they didnt have time to give it to her. I couldn’t believe how much of a badass she is. I was so happy and relieved that Teddy was here and Kristin was ok that I cried. Ive never cried happy tears before. Cutting his umbilical cord was almost impossible because my hands were shaking so bad. Unfortunately, the amount of time it took me to cut his cord was the only amount of time Mama Bear got to hold her little cub for the first time before the nurses took him away. Teddy had a hard time waking up and breathing right because of the morphine that they gave Kristin just a few hours before. The nurses were working on him pretty good on the mobile nicu they had in our room. They ended up having to give him narcan to kick the junk. They finally wheeled him down to the actual NICU and Kristin insisted I go with him. It was tough to watch him in there. They had to put a tube in his nose and an i.v. in his tiny little hand. After a little while he started breathing on his own and things started looking ok. I was able to wheel Kristin down there so she could finally hold him. Less than ideal, but amazing still. His stay in the NICU was short and he was returned to our room the next morning.
There you have it. The most exciting story ever told. I hope you enjoyed it. He just turned 1 this week. I still can’t believe how time flies.
And in case you were wondering how my brother is doing… he’s as fit as a fiddle. We now share the same blood type, his DNA is 95% the same as mine which technically makes him 95% cooler than he was before, he’s in way better shape than me now. He finally has a decent haircut and because I never had any, his allergies went away. So I’d say he’s doing ok. And he still owes me dinner.
Heres to new life!