Im already jealous of my son. He’s not even two yet. Its pathetic. Its not because being a baby is a pretty easy gig, you know getting literally everything done for you or whatever. Its because he has arguably the best hair on the planet.
Im a bald guy. It kinda sucks. Granted I don’t have pay for haircuts every couple of weeks but I’ve had to buy a lot of hats. I started losing my hair when I was about 21 or 22 and it went pretty quick. Full horseshoe old man baldness in my mid twenties. Brutal. When I was a little kid, I had long straight, soft, blonde hair. and a lot of it too…its bringing me to tears just thinking about it. Late 80’s i had the most legit mullet in the game. Shaved sides with the spike top. Early 90’s, you couldn’t beat my bowl cut. Perfect length, perfectly straight, fire. High school, visor. Thats basically a boys regular with just your bangs spiked up creating the”visor”. Worst hairstyle ever created but everyone was doing it. College, i looked like a bum. Thats when it started to go so I tried a the wacky hairstyles. I even had dreadlocks at one point. So cool. Then one day I shaved my head and it never grew back. Just like that, it was gone. So many good memories with hair. At one point a few years ago I actually had a dream where I had an awesome flow, and it was blowing in the wind, and I did that thing where you put your hair behind your ear to get it out of your face. It was a glorious dream. And I can’t tell you how disappointed I was when I woke up and touched my head. Thats totally true by the way.
We just got Teddys third haircut today. Yes, his third. His hair grows like weeds. And its amazing. He was born with a full head and it hasn’t stopped growing since. His first haircut was just to clean up the baby hair. We got that done at one of those kids haircut places. Butchered. Looked like a blind lefty cut it with right handed scissors. The second time was a few months ago, Kristin brought him to her stylist for an actual, non baby hair, haircut. And he looked great! But that haircut was short lived and it grew into what could’ve been one of the greatest mullets to have ever grown. But Kristin was not having it. So I took Teddy to get a haircut today at the same stylist.
I have to admit that I didnt know what to expect going in there. In my entire life, I don’t think I ever paid for a haircut. Growing up, my mom cut all of our hair. There were a lot of kids in the house and it was more economical. And she was pretty good too. So I’ve never even been in a barbershop let alone a salon with all the hairdryers and loud talking and hair spray and madness that is a hair salon. It was kind of overwhelming. But Teddy was a champ. He wasn’t fazed by anything. Probably helped that every babe in the whole place was swooning over him. He felt a lot of love. Lucky devil. Fifteen minutes later with only one tear, he had a haircut that brought me back to that dream I had not too many years ago. And it was also the beginning of my jealousy towards my son.
Perfect color, perfect flow down and to the right. Couple of crazy cowlicks, but that just adds to the epicness. Im pretty sure his hair is what all follicly challenged persons dream of. Personally, id like him to have long hair, but Kristin wants it shorter…But momma bear didnt bring Teddy for a haircut this time. I did feel a little weird sitting in that seat surrounded by a bunch of women getting their hair colored and blowdried while getting a bunch of chemicals sprayed in their faces to add volume and texture for the next 2 hours of their new haircut lives. But Teddy didnt seem to mind. I can’t wait till he’s a little older when we can go to a legit barbershop and talk about guy stuff, like the big game or boobies or whatever it is gets talked about in barbershops. I feel like Teddys new haircut might be opening up a bunch of new doors for me. Thanks kid.
P.S. If Teddy gets half the attention from girls in his teenage years that he did for that 15 minutes in that salon, I think he’s gonna do just fine for himself in the lady department.